Have you ever seen babies or small children catch a glimpse of themselves in a mirror? Their eyes light up. Admiration pours out from their souls. They will literally kiss themselves.
And they’ll often have a similar response when they see another baby or child. They light up like a Christmas tree – recognizing love of self in the other. One and the same.
So what’s up with us adults?
Have you looked in the mirror lately? What do you see? What do you say to yourself? Test it out. Look in the mirror right now, or use selfie-mode on your phone.
Did you want to hug yourself? Was your first thought a compliment? Did you feel warmth, safety and a deep self-reverence?
My guess is not. Some of us can barely handle walking by a mirror, let alone staring into it. We struggle with spending time with anyone, let alone ourselves.
So instead, we spend our days and nights relying on the outside world to reflect back to us what we want to see in ourselves and in the world.
That’s called a crystal ball, not a mirror. And it only exists in fairy tales – which can be fun to read and watch, but rarely offer much more than disappointment in the real world.
Something I know for sure, though, is firmly grounded in reality: nothing is for not. Every relationship. Every encounter. Every experience is an offering. An opportunity to heal wounds. I don’t always like it, but I do believe it.
Every person who comes into our lives, who we feel betrayed by, who may have physically, emotionally or mentally harmed us (out of their own pain) is offering a gift. The gift of choosing to love yourself. Love yourself even though they couldn’t love you. Love yourself even though they didn’t demonstrate to you what that looks like. Love yourself even though – and especially because – you’re unable to accept it when someone does love you.
One of my deepest, long-lasting personal pains is that I don’t get chosen. That people turn their backs on me. That my simple “need” of them is the exact thing that drives them away. That I am too “strong” to be allowed to need. That others who are not as strong will always “win.” That the person I’m seeking acceptance from (or who I want to choose me) won’t recognize my value.
Take a guess at how many opportunities the universe has given me to get over this? Too many to count. And it wasn’t until recently that I understood why.
The healing doesn’t come from anyone/anything outside of myself. It comes from me accepting myself. From me knowing my worth. From me not turning my back on myself. From me knowing my value.
Although society and culture can teach otherwise, worth is not something we have to earn. It’s our natural existence. Our birthright. Each of us. Equally.
But I haven’t trusted myself. I haven’t felt safe and secure in my own being. I have believed I am my wounds. I have accepted that the pains of my past (which were not my pains at all…but became my pains through the teachings of others) are who I am, what I deserve and what I will continue to receive no matter what.
So it’s time. Time to show up! Show up for myself.
Time for you to show up for yourself.
When you do, you get the lesson. The lesson I just recently – finally – understood.
That the world will truly reflect back to you the new vision of self you see in the mirror. And you’re now equipped to take the beauty and deservedness you see in yourself and extend them to others and to the world.
I owe this lesson to my dear friend, guide and mentor Rita Henry for holding space for me, for gently and not-so-gently guiding me to truth and light, and for being a courageous and authentic trailblazer.
What’s the lesson look like for you? I’d love for you to comment and share what you saw in the mirror or heard yourself say. What can you give yourself in response? What have you been yearning for from others that you now know you can give yourself? What’s your first step going to be?