I am that girl. You know the type. The one who has 15 different task lists created and actively running at any given time. And I get an immense amount of satisfaction from getting to check things off my lists.
The problem is, my to-do and task lists rarely leave me feeling like I’ve actually ACCOMPLISHED something. For every item I check off, I add five more. It’s never ending. A dangling carrot, always out of reach.
Even if I don’t have a physical list to reference, I wake up most mornings with a virtual list scrolling through my head, like ticker tape messages at the bottom of a TV screen. “This has to be taken care of. Don’t forget this. Need to take care of that. Where do I start? Shit, that’s today!?”
I’m also a bit of a mixed-bag personality.
(A “Type A” person who meditates a lot. A chaotic organizer. A control freak who really wants to be rescued. A goal-driven free spirit. An endurance athlete yogi. An initially shy extrovert. A do-it-all-the-way or not-at-all, sit-back-and relax anomaly.)
So my morning mental chatter combined with some of my more intense personality traits – well, let’s just say it can be complicated.
Maybe that’s why I have always been mesmerized with people that just appear to fly by the seat of their pants. Sort of aimlessly and lackadaisically moving through life. I think deep down I wish I could be more like them.
You know, cool, no big thang, chill buddy (shout out to Pauly Shore in the movie Son-in-Law).
As much as I may admire that personality trait in theory, the reality is I would probably become quite irritated with anyone, including myself, who exemplified these qualities day in and day out.
But that doesn’t stop my ego from using the idea to feel badly about myself because I’m not THAT. One of those “the grass is always greener on the other side” scenarios.
I keep thinking there has to be a nice green space – somewhere between the two extremes.
When I was Adventure Racing, my team would sometimes end up randomly searching for our next check-point (also known as “lost”), despite our best intentions and plans to get from point A to point B in a deliberate and quick fashion.
The worst was when this happened in the middle of the night, in cold temperatures, lost in the wilderness, soaking wet, carrying our mountain bikes rather than riding them through the mud, the same mud that ate one of my shoes for dinner about a mile back (never to be seen again)!
Equal to and as important as a “take it as it comes”, “expect the unexpected” and “roll with the punches” attitude required for Adventure Racing, is a map and a compass and a plan.
In one sense, a task list is a bit like a using a map & compass. It can assist functionality, encourage productivity and provide direction.
On the other hand, to-do lists are often rooted in fear and can leave you feeling perpetually overwhelmed. Things you HAVE to get done, OR ELSE. Deadlines. Keeping up with expectations, people pleasing and appearances. Hoping to prove your worth through performance and affirmation.
While task lists give me one less thing to remember in my head, more often than not, my mindset is to use them as a device to NOT “drop the ball.” Each day, with its respective list, is a new opportunity to “fail” and not get it all done.
I have spent the last 18 years of my career steeped in the world of details and deadlines. That attention to detail and sense of ownership and responsibility has served me well in serving my clients, in many ways.
Simultaneously over the past 3 years, I found myself reorganizing my life to make space for the creativity, freedom, openness, potentiality and vulnerability it requires to live an Adventuresome Life.
(Or has life been reorganizing itself on my behalf? Hmmm.)
Yet I cannot help but notice, from time-to-time, my ego’s scheming attempts to push and shove a to-do mindset into my creative realm as well. Kind of like the guy in the crazy clown mask at the haunted house that keeps popping up around every corner!
For instance, writing this blog on letting go of task lists was on my task list this week. (Irony with a dash of humor.)
It’s like something inside of me (ego) is trying to keep another part of me (spirit) from doing anything to bring The Adventuresome Life into manifestation. It’s truly fascinating and frustrating. It brings to mind a quote by one of my favorite historical figures:
“Problems cannot be solved with the same mind that created them.”—Albert Einstein
My interpretation in this case:
“New ways of being/manifesting cannot be created with the same mind and habits that produced previously unwanted or unsatisfying ways of being/manifesting.”—Dana Shane
The task list itself is not the issue here, but how we’re using it is. Does your list serve, support and empower you? Or does it bog you down and stress you out?
An Adventuresome Life doesn’t call for tasks and to-dos that can be checked off so that we can monitor progress, justify our actions or prove that we accomplished something.
But an Adventuresome Life does require expansive openness instead of restrictions. Tuning in instead of checking out. Devotion instead of deadlines. Determination instead of details and demands. Collaboration instead of competition. Adventure instead of accolades.
An Adventuresome Life requires connecting to the present moment instead of checking off the “to-dos” of our past while stressing over the “not-dones” of our future.
So dump your to-do list…or keep it if you must. But if you choose to keep it:
“Chickity check yo self before you wreck yo self.”—Ice Cube
(Love me some 90’s rap music!)
Translation: If you use to-do lists, make sure your list provides a way, but doesn’t determine the way. Know what the point and purpose of your list is to you. How do you want to use it to create what you want to create? To feel how you want to feel?
What thoughts or ideas popped into your head while reading this blog? Share your comments below. Your voice and experience matter. Sharing gives you the opportunity to receive support and to support others.
And do me a favor. If you don’t receive your weekly TAL email in your inbox, come looking for me. I’ll be buried under a sea of paper, binders and red pens with a serious “to-do” hangover. Please pick me up, dust me off, splash some water on my face, and promptly admit me to Task List Rehab.